The first thing to hit me was the RCS (reverse culture shock), which is more just the realization that you can't afford to continue doing what you've been doing. An utter disappoint, realizing that all of your friends and family, whom you put on hold while traveling, haven't broken any molds either. Like being awoken from a dream, the sense of insecurity comes rushing back to you. That same insecurity that told you not to leave in the first place. The same insecurity that keeps your friends and family at their day jobs working day in and out to provide stability in life. It whispers to you, like your ever inquisitive aunt at Thanksgiving, "So what now Adrian?" This question will get asked of you daily, perhaps more if you see distant acquaintances and family. They ask partially because of curiosity, partially because of jealousy, and partially because it feels good to point out others failures. I didn't, and still don't have a real answer to this question yet...
I managed to live for a few months at home off of the additional tax return from my former engineering job, but soon enough work came back to hit me in the face. I came back to a job on the Ferries in my hometown, a steady job with opportunities for overtime, low stress, and great community. Financially it doesn't provide much hope for future travels, but it's a great gig with some great people.
Winter is fast approaching, people seem washed of their summer daze, I see glum and distant looks from people instead of wide-eyed excitement and rejuvenation, and I have doubts that I will be able to continue working on the boats much after late fall. My options don't seem cheerful and I catch myself drifting off at work thinking about what comes next.
But I do feel different...I am starting to understand that I can be passionate about something, and it seems to be travel! So today after work I explored a few inspirational travel videos on YouTube, read a few blogs, and will begin to try and write consistently again! I have created a vision in my head of expanding my blog into a legitimate website, buying a computer with video-processing compatible with adobe premier and photoshop, and perhaps planning another low-budget winter escape.
These ideas and plans will have to keep me motivated, but I feel that I can build upon what I made here while I was traveling, and perhaps that will keep my mind busy enough to focus on positive things to come, rather than negative influences in the immediate. The RCS can be reversed again, and I am the only one who can change my outlook on the future. Thanks for reading and supporting!